Life

Somehow this 40 era in my life is difficult for me. There is a shift going on. It’s difficult to explain this but I feel like it’s time to be more mature. Maybe because I feel like it’s time to pursue things in my life that I haven’t done yet but I would like to do. I always thought I had time for everything, but now time is starting to move quicker, and if I don’t get started on the list of things I want to do in life I might not get them done. Or maybe because I've never taken the time to think about what I might want to do in my life.


In the past few years I’ve been struggling with what it is I want. For so many years I’ve been focused on raising my children and working on being a good wife. None of this has come easy to me. I’ve always trusted God to be my strength and he was there to assist me and He made it possible to do things I could not have done on my own. Glory be to God. It makes me wonder what is it that would have happened to me without Him.

In recent years it has become increasingly more difficult to turn to God for support. I have often felt like a bit of a misfit in the Christian realm. Church is a place for family’s or couples, I do not feel comfortable going by myself to church. Yet I do think a church family is what can strengthen a relationship with God.

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Christmas was as always a bit stressful for me. I’ve always found big events put me a bit on edge. It seems to be something out of my control. I feel better now that its all over. In after reflection it feels good to have spent time with family. Family is important.

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I’m continuing to read a book called “Life would be easy” I am reading that I fit the profile of a passive person and I realize this isn’t the kind of person I want to be. A little excerpt from the book

How do passives get their needs met? This question should be, When do passives get their needs met? The answer is seldom, because passives are often unable to ask for what they need without feeling guilty. In their universe, asking for something for themselves is selfish, which does not fit the pattern of a nice person in their minds.

Passives often play another game, which sounds like this: If people loved me (respected me, liked me, cared for me, etc.)they would know how I feel and what I need. Passives initiate the game of lets see if you can guess what I want and then feel sad, hurt or let down when others do not have the ability to read minds. Passives are always trying to figure out what everyone else needs, so therefore they expect others to do the same for them. Passives are often very intuitive people. They have a knack for sensing what others want and providing it for them before they ask. The problem is that passive person expects others to be equally as intuitive, which is not the case. We often refer to this passive behavior as testing .The passive is always testing the people they are in a relationship with tot see if the other person can guess what they want without them having to ask.


Well I could go on and on quoting the book. I am finding this book is helping me see myself from a different angle. It is an emotional and educational read for me. My hope is that I will learn to be a bit more assertive in my life. I don’t think this will be easy for me as my initial reaction is that I am being selfish and not a nice person.